Today my thoughts were about how things used to be. All of those times seems really foreign to me now. I used to be extremely outgoing, outrageously likeable and drew people toward me. I like people. Im a people person or at least I used to be. I had so many friends and there was always a lot of attention all around us.. I wasn’t even an attention seeker. It just came naturally. But now that seems like a whole other person.
Lately, I have isolated myself fromt he world aropund me. Now I feel restless and like I have a major case of "Cabin Fever" I am more quiet and reserved. Im no longer appealing to people or seem like a person that people would want to hang out with. Most of my friends have lost interest or at least the people who I thought were friends. They all seem like just the average aquaintance. No one sees the friend like potential in me. I feel like now I am overlooked, brushed under the mat, thrown out with the bath water...Not all the time but generally this is so. At least this is how I feel. Maybe it's just the "cabin fever" symptoms talking.
When I have these memories of me in the past it seems like I am recalling a book I remember reading before all about another persons life not mine. That girl who all the boys liked. That girl who was cool in all her friends eyes. Haha – yep we are definitely talking about another person, because I don't really see myself as that same female. Its kind of weird isnt it? How fast things change. How you go through stages in your life and come out the other end completely differently than you might have expected. Sure I speak with the same voice and I may even look the same as I used to. I feel like whatever used to be special about me has worn away. Do you feel that? Special only lasts for a short while? Maybe I have just become a differnt kind of special one thats more special in God's eyes because that's all I really want nowadays. Is to be seen as erspectable in Gods eyes not anyone elses.So I have come to the conclusion that maybe it is that I have changed on the inside. At least this is what I hope. Its hard but I think people can tell that I am different just by meeting me. But that same part of me feels like people now identify me as someone from a totally different world a million miles away.... now people see me as someone that would be hard to be friends with because I stand up for what I believe. I am no longer afraid to tell people about my faith. I know I will be judged but who are they to judge another. So now I will not allow people push me around or tell me what I should believe in. I believe in God and I am not not shy to tell people otherwise. He has been been rock in my times of need and has stuck with me through thick and thin ihard times and good times. He was my friend when I felt like the world walked out on me and He understood my feelings when I wasnt sure how to talk about them to anyone else. God is the ultimate Husband, Friend, and all of the above. His thoughts are higher than mine could ever imagine, and I
Love Him, thank Him and Praise Him for all that He blesses me with every single day. So now that I remember yesterday I see a girl that went through what she did to get to the place where she is today. With understanding adn knowledge that can only be aquired through trials and tribulation but most of all...seeing how awesome life is when you except Jesus into your life.
I sometimes miss the person I used to be; only because she wasnt so isolated and didnt have to experience cabin fever.
but then I remember all things happen for a reason i just have to buckle down and hold tight. I know God will bless me with friends when He sees fit. As for now, Im ready to kick this cabin fevers booty. <3Fmnn
Changes Happen,
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